Life Update
I recently heard someone said : "truly desiring for some thing, is a sign of your future-self having a grasp on it". I like that one better compared to the "you make your own destiny" version; sounds like a promise you made to another person, which in a way it is. Thanks to you, your future self may have changed from who you are right now. You might have successfully created your own business. People might will look up to you and depend on you. You might have developed a method to overcome your fears. Your perseverance, tenacity and commitment will somehow pave it's way to get you closer to your destination. The destination that your future self will be truly grateful to have arrived at. I believe everyone has these moments in their life, and this is mine.
For quite some time, I have been keeping a plan; a plan to see the world outside of where I lived and it's safe to say that I have to do it instead of wanting to do it.
...
Honestly, it's actually both
There's a constant fight inside of me whenever I find myself spending hours getting caught in a traffic jam coming back from office and stubbornly bargaining on whether I should maintain this "safe zone" or break out of it. The bargaining comes due to the current economy condition which causes companies to layoff their employees and causing the IT workforce to be in a oversaturated state. Losing a seat inside a safehouse and deciding to go out in the middle of a hurricane doesn't seem like a rational decision. And also to add the urgency into the decision-making, I definitely won't grow any younger. I don't want to constantly live in fear until it's too late to make maneuvers. Obviously there are many other "safer" option, but for me, especially what I said earlier about my plan, I wanted this battle inside me to stop, so I decided to make my shots... apply for abroad opportunities.
I did not make it in the first try. I did couple technical interviews with different companies, some failed, one due to bad luck (someone got the position before me because I was hospitalized). But I had plenty of time because I was more fortunate to have a job compared to the other people which are being laid off. Long story short, after years of trying, I finally made it through. I have tried several companies in different countries which I think might be a fit for my skill and might have a better future for me, although the latter might only be answered after a few years of stay. I purposely want to make this post vague due to the very inconvenient timing of sentiment currently going on, but my best friends and inner circle knows where I'm at.
The loneliness gets you on your first months, it creeps inside at night and makes you question whether you made the right decision 😂. Your family are thousands of miles away from you. You might have been told on what to do while living in a foreign environment, but you don't fully know how things work, you have to figure it out and master it, but also you don't have any close friend who could relate with the hassle, so your best chance is to do it on your own, asking around while stumbling once at a time. It's alright I said, it's part of learning, and it's just the beginning. It's definitely premature to call this "the destination" since I've only been here for a couple months and don't know what awaits ahead, but at least would be one hell of a great story I'll tell my children later.